Sunday, June 29, 2008

Warning: No Photos - Just a pissed off Rant, Scroll Down For All Photo Issue- Continue at Your Own Risk!

Listen to what happened to me today. I'm loading my truck with stand up boards in an alley in Coronado. It's sunny, the surf's blown out but I'm in a good frame of mind. I'm having a lot of fun teaching paddle surfing lessons and the summer is so new that it feels endless. Best of all, the signals were a little mixed, but I may have been given the go ahead sign to order up a new board... Like I said, my little world was A-okay.

Then I hear this voice, "Some big boards you got there...".

I look over and here he comes- an older guy, probably in his sixties, sporting a red "Old Guys Rule" tee shirt. He's got those eighth grade glasses- the type that darken automatically when you go outside- the type that got you smacked up a little after school. And the bowling ball gut- the spherical hallmark of the has-been, the "surf check guy" who holds up the seawall and talks about how bitchin' it all used to be. Like I said, here he comes tottering down the alley, right up to me.

I'm kind of surprised. What did he just say? "No", I say, "these are stand up paddle boards." I'm not really understanding what's going on...

"They should be illegal- stand up paddle boarders hogging all the waves!" And with that he walks right by me and around the corner. That stupid, red, "Old Guys Rule" tee shirt etched into my mind.

What the? Who does that? It's hard to believe that there are actually people who feel the need to approach someone they don't even know and pop off. To me the irony is this; with that beach ball pinned to his gut the guy definitely couldn't paddle out, much less surf, anything other than a....drum roll please...... long board!

So here we have Mister Old Guys Rule all pissed off about us hogging waves when I can guarantee that the last time he paddled a board under nine feet, Nixon was flashing double peace signs on the way back to Yorba Linda. And when Herbie Fletcher started popping off that the "thrill is back" you can bet Mr. Globe Gut signed right up for a piece of side-slip boogie. All the better to snag set waves from outside of the pack, all the better to poach at will.

And now he's pissed at us- that my friends is what is known as FULL CIRCLE.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Geez, John. I'm almost 60, wear glasses, have an "Old Guys Rule" T-shirt, wear glasses, and ride a longboard, too! My gut, though, is still fairly flat. Please don't lump all of us together! Hell, I think that boogie boarders are surfers, too! Any vehicle, from body to SUP, used with skill and respect, qualifies you as a surfer. The key word is "respect". If everybody lived up to it, there would be no problems.
Spiderman

John Ashley said...

Yep- you're right- bad to lump groups all together. I just got pissed and let my anger get the better of me- see how fast I went to the next post with pretty girls paddling in bikinis?

However- you're the real thing, and, isn't it always true that the best guys out there usually have the least to say- they just do their thing.

You are VERY much not in the mold of senor viejo- and... I wasn't even in the water- I was just loading up boards!

See there I go letting it get to me again.

Sheesh... time to just go surfing!

kytsrfr said...

I share your disdain for the sour grapes crowd. First the "shortboarders" complain that the "log riders" are taking unfair advantage of the ability to catch waves early, are too old to ride a short board, or don't have the skills. Then the longboarders complain that windsurfers are not really surfing the waves and that it's totally "gay" and requires too much equipment. Then the windsurfers throw out the red herring that kiteboarders aren't really riding the wave, don't go out when the wind picks up and are dangerous. Now all the prone surfers are giving us stinkeye because we have the advantage of the paddle and catch too many waves. Me thinks they all complain too much.I've ridden all of it and I've figured out how to use what works in what conditions. Anybody who looks down their nose at that is afraid to try something new or "too old" to figure out something new. "Big fish in a little pond syndrome". Thats ok, more opportunities for me. If no one else ever tries kiteboarding or paddleboarding I am way fine with that. Unfortunate though that people have to disguise their envy with such transparent arguments.

Glenn

Anonymous said...

john now you know how it feels at least your board looks normal.i take so much abuse but hey am sporking all the way to hussongs cantina.sunday saw crew from cali kites paddling from the point.i said to the latino fellow how was that. he replied just awesome.waves about 4'.oh wouldnt you know some kooks yell out to him hey is that a new type of fishing pole ya got.freaking morans are every where.heres a group of paddlers that started out from dog beach paddle to point loma and at ralphs get crap.and i bet the kook toke a ski or his boston whaler to get where his was going.f the prone.cant wait for the fourth 3ms.captneg9sporkadork.and yes the donut stuffers seam to bark the loudest and then run off like the litte child like girls that they are.

srfnff said...

You got pissed off at that?..some old guy that you mistakenly saw as "normal," but was really walking down the street with his head tucked securely up his okole? Chill dude...these guys have a club, but they can't remember when the meetings are.

Timothy said...

I get heckled from time to time... I even had a guy try and convince me that my SUP was illegal in surf areas because the USCG classified stand ups as a vessel. Something about how I need to stay 100 feet away from everyone else, blah blah... true about the vessel part, untrue about keeping a distance.

For a little while I let the haters bum me out and I went back to traditional surfing only. Of course I sat there and watched everyone else having fun on their SUPs.

But anyway, surfing is mixed bag of knuckleheads. If you play fair on your SUP, then you have nothing to feel bad about. As long as nobody is threatening harm to you then they can cry like little babies all they want. We're all out there for the same reason... to have fun...except short borders... they want to have fun, but above all they want to look cool.