Monday, June 20, 2011

Southern Mexico Stand Up Paddle: Guns, Drugs, the Cartel and Me, Part I

First of all, I'm going to tell you- and I know you'll be pissed- I didn't snap too many photos. I know, I know a picture is worth a thousand words and all that- problem is, when so much is happening around you sometimes you forget to pull out the camera. Or you are afraid to. Let me explain. 

Basically, I found myself wondering who would be cruising a big ivory colored GMC Denali around a small dusty, seemingly inconsequential, Mexican village. I was up the road, bumping along in my little Ford sedan, dodging monster topes (pronounced toe-pays these are DIY speed bumps built out of rocks, cement or asphalt that, depending on your level of attention, either slow you down or skin your undercarriage like the peel off a banana) and wondering if the old lady at the corner would sell me some mangos off of her tree. Maybe I'm like a T-Rex that only sees things when they move, or maybe I was still a little buzzed from my afternoon Cuba Libre, regardless, when the big, off-white vehicle, with the blacked out windows made it's move up the road and pulled over to the curb facing me I saw it- and my internal danger bells starting going off. Something was up- this was no campesino farm vehicle. 

At that point, I really didn't want to be there. But I didn't want to draw attention to myself by whipping a U-turn.  I mean, it was possible, I might fit in with all the locals, right? There I was a shirtless surfer with a semi-feral afro hairdo and a pair of wrap around shades cruising up the only road in town, solo, in a shiny silver rent-a-car. I fit in, right? Not so much. As I came up on the SUV the back door opened up- my chest tightened: look down, look down, don't make eye contact I said to myself but I just couldn't stop my eyes from watching what was crawling out of that dark hole.

The first guy out was short and chubby. He stepped out and his head instantly started pivoting around just like those secret service guys surrounding the president. His eyes swept over the windscreen of my vehicle and then moved off of me and across the street. The next guy out behind him was death. And I looked him full in the face. He returned the favor. I almost pissed myself.

More to come!


Jeff Wallis said...

Spit it out Johnboy!!! Lets hear about it????

Anonymous said...

spiders brother

Dave Conrey said...

Call me a mackerel, because I've been fished in. Can't wait for the conclusion to this one.

Jon Kinley said...

You dog John!-nice bait!

srfnff said...

I'm thinkin' the biggest "bullet" you dodged was TS Beatrix. Salsipuedes!

John Ashley said...

Alright all- I gave birth to Part II this morning... enjoy!