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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Want to know how it feels? Take an X-acto Knife and jam it into your foot...

Shuffle your feet. Even in six inches of water. Shuffle 'em. Today I got skewered by a stingray. Right through the bottom of my gnarled out, I-wear-flip-flops-everyday-so-my-feet-are-like-elephant-hide foot. My hard earned foot armor didn't even put up a fight and that hit ruined what would have been an awesome stand up paddle session (glassy warmish water and gawd-almighty... sunshine!) Here's a couple bits of info you'll want to know about getting hit by a stingray:

1. No, it's not a "sting" like a bee or a jelly fish. It's a puncture, like stepping on a nail, a big, nasty, sharp nail that puts a hole into you. In this case, it was a razor blade thin slit that went about a quarter inch into me- deep, blood-oozing, deep.


2. Yes, it's going to hurt like HELL. The lifeguards talk about grown men crying... I didn't shed any tears (I just have allergies, those aren't tears) but my foot was throbbing from the core and the pain was working it's way up into my ankle and calf.


 Photo: At least there's somebody around who feels my pain.

3. It starts with a bloody gash... the ridiculous pain comes about a little later. It's the poison that's got to work its way up into you... don't worry, it'll come. Count on it. 

4. No, peeing on it doesn't work. Hot, hot, hot water and bucket big enough to get your foot all the way into it will help- but not immediately. No, you'll be treated to a stupid amount of agony, totally disproportional to the size of the little bastard who stuck you.

5. Shuffle your feet, take your time and shuffle 'em.

This sucks.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the club....
Spiderman

John Ashley said...

You too? When and where... I tried to emulate my hero Dave Parra and suck it up and just paddle with it (saw him do this once kitesurfing... took a hit in the shorebreak said, "I just got hit by a stingray" as nonchalant as saying, "wanna help me change this tire" and then kited for two hours on it... gnar) but I could only last about a half hour... when it started to reach room temp... the hurting really began.

Anonymous said...

Dude,

Back in my laydown days I got stabbed three times one summer... the local Cambodian Donut shop owner (5th street HB) was pretty cool... for 20 bucks he would keep the hot water going for two hours till the pain died... ONLY THEN would I paddle back out...

Sucks hard John, but at least u are not out for two months!

Strand Leper

John Ashley said...

Hey Tim-

Yes, I'm super thankful- funny we're totally the same guy that way: All you think about is, "Damn, does this mean I can't paddle tomorrow!".

Feel bad for you buddy- we need to have a little party for you once you get back into the water- and I'm gonna miss the play-by-play wave reports too!

HB days... that's how you know all the heads up there, huh?

acqua.marina said...

My hero is down! Crap, that is freaking awful John... my X-hubby got hit hard in Mulaje, and our son who was there with him said he never heard his Dad howling like that. Loud enough for someone in the neighboring town to hear; and thankfully they recognized the howling and arrived with hot water and tequila. The hole it left in his foot was stunning. You could fit the cap of a Sharpee pen in there. Speedy recovery to you!

Flowers said...

Geez John.. it didn't seem like you were in that much pain! You sucked it up and still paddled. You're the man. After this incident, I'm definitely doing the shuffle dance every time.

-Liza

Sheldon said...

fricken gnarly!!! I guess I'm back to the reality of stingrays here in Socal. The worst I had to worry about in the last month (in Hawai'i & French Polynesia) was live coral cuts... I got so spoiled!

John Ashley said...

Hey Marina!

When you coming back down here... we're ready for you! And don't worry... I'll be back.

John

John Ashley said...

Hey Liza-

Having too much fun to stop... which is either heroic or dumb. Probably dumb.

John Ashley said...

Yeah Sheldon! Welcome back and CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Definitely shuffle your feet- this ended up being a total bummer.

Anonymous said...

Ditto
Spiders Brother